The 72 Hour Rule

by
Edition: Original
Format: Paperback
Pub. Date: 2011-08-01
Publisher(s): Brown & Brown Enterprises
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Summary

The 72 Hour Rule focuses on helping adult individuals and couples to communicate more effectively. This book helps the reader identify their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Then, the reader is guided through a series of topics, and real-time stories and exercises that will help them achieve successful communication with their partner. This book provides easy-to-use step-by-step exercises to help couples improve their relationship. This book examines substance abuse, violence, mental illness, unemployment, family dynamics, and affairs as topics of discussion, and is a breakthrough for all partners who avoid couples therapy or who have had a previous negative counseling experience. This book is based on both research and experience. Read this book as a couple together; integrate new communication tools into your relationship. The 72 Hour Rule is a simple and effective guideline to a more caring and connected partnership.

Author Biography

Margot E. Brown has a Doctorate in Psychology and is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist in Private practice. Her early background started in high tech in Silicon Valley, California. More recently, she specializes in couples counseling, substance abuse counseling, EAP counseling, shot-term solution-based counseling, career counseling, and executive coaching. She is a member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists.

Table of Contents

Introductionp. xi
Why Am I Writing This Book?p. xi
Recommendationsp. xii
My Stylep. xiii
Collaborative vs. Medical Modelp. xiv
How to Use This Bookp. xv
Disclaimerp. xvi
So What Is My Gift to You?p. xvi
p. 1
Thoughts, Beliefs, Behaviorsp. 3
The Window Blindp. 3
How Do You Begin to Change?p. 4
Valuesp. 4
Moneyp. 8
Common Complaints for Couplesp. 14
ôYou Don't Make Me a Priority!ö Make Yourself a Priority!p. 14
Please Don't Settlep. 15
Loss of Sexual Desirep. 17
Jealousyp. 18
What Happens When One of You Outgrows the Other or Moves in a Different Direction?p. 19
How Important Is Spirituality to You as a Couple?p. 25
Poor Coping Leads to Poor Outcomesp. 27
What if You've Just Met? Do Your Homework!p. 29
Don't Marry Him to Change Him (or Her)p. 30
Hello and Goodbyep. 32
Everything Is a Connection Point!p. 33
What Have You Learned So Far?p. 35
p. 37
Your Thoughts Are Important!p. 39
Pause for Thoughtp. 39
What Is My Role? I Have to Pay Attention to My Thoughts Toop. 40
Want to Change Your Behaviors?p. 41
You Are in Control of the Remote (Change Channels)p. 54
ôCheck-Inöp. 54
Because-But-Andp. 55
Core Negative Beliefsp. 56
Positive Concept vs. Negative Beliefp. 59
What Have You Learned So Far?p. 61
p. 63
Pay Attention to You!p. 65
Language is Important: Communication with Selfp. 65
Emotionsp. 67
The Anger Continuum-The Rope of Angerp. 67
How Do You Know When You Are Angry-Scared-Anxious?p. 68
Egg Metaphorp. 70
A Man Who Changedp. 72
Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms for Anxietyp. 73
Functional Healthy Ways to Cope with Anxietyp. 74
Gender-Biased Anxietyp. 76
Guiltp. 77
Shamep. 79
Name a Negative Feeling That Is a Theme in Your Lifep. 82
Griefp. 87
Grief and Intimacyp. 93
Complicated Bereavementp. 94
Normal Grief vs. Depressionp. 95
What Have You Learned So Far?p. 96
p. 97
Familyp. 99
Triangulationp. 99
Couplep. 102
Locked in a Cycle…So What Is Life Like When There Is No 72-Hour Rule?p. 102
Communication Blocksp. 103
Mind Readingp. 105
Game Playing-The Negative Dance/Power Struggle/Hidden Agendasp. 106
Are You Both Playing Games?p. 108
Do Not Compete with Your Partner!p. 110
Game Namesp. 111
The Silent Treatmentp. 118
Identify Your Dancep. 120
The Dance: Workbook Example: Partner Ap. 124
The Dance: Workbook Example: Partner Bp. 124
Secrets, Sex, Moneyp. 126
Affairs…What You Need to Knowp. 128
Verbal Abusep. 132
Gender Rolesp. 135
Conflict Over Religious Beliefsp. 138
Projection and Finger-Pointingp. 140
What Have You Learned So Far?p. 142
p. 143
Danger Signsp. 145
Addiction to Substances and Other Thingsp. 146
Prescription Drugsp. 149
Stimulantsp. 150
Depressantsp. 151
Alcoholp. 152
Marijuanap. 152
Physical Healthp. 153
Get Help Now!p. 158
Look in the Mirrorp. 158
Substance Use/Abusep. 159
Codependencyp. 160
Enabling Behaviorsp. 163
You Decidep. 166
Are You the Codependent?p. 167
The Subconscious Dancep. 168
What About the Kids?p. 169
Other Thingsp. 169
Shopping, Shopping, Shoppingp. 170
FYI-Now Do You Know What Healthy Looks Like When You Are in Recovery?p. 173
Mental Illnessp. 174
According to the National Institute for Mental Healthp. 174
Anxiety Disordersp. 175
Mood Disordersp. 178
Personality Disordersp. 184
Physical Abuse/Domestic Violencep. 190
Pushing, Choking, Hitting, Knife, Gunp. 190
Statistics for Domestic Violencep. 194
Violent Actsp. 196
Did I Tell You About Young Boys Exposed to Chronic Domestic Violence?p. 197
Domestic Violence in Summaryp. 198
The Power and Control Wheelp. 200
Divorce Attorney? Collaborative Mediation? Litigation?p. 203
What Have You Learned So Far?p. 207
p. 209
You!p. 211
Love Yourself Firstp. 211
Put Balance Back into Your Lifep. 213
Personal Appearancep. 214
What Effect Does Your Appearance Have on Your Partner's Attraction to You?p. 218
Body Image and Sexual Relations; Body Image and Self-Esteemp. 218
Personal Goals and Couple Goalsp. 220
Managing Change Beginning-Middle-Endingp. 221
What Is Your Goal?p. 226
Take the Riskp. 227
Medicationsp. 227
Familyp. 231
Children, Natural Familiesp. 231
Parental Control, Reclaim Your Power Back Now!p. 232
Blended Familiesp. 232
Communication with Childrenp. 234
Solid Topics for Discussion with Your Childp. 234
Parental Challengesp. 235
Family Relationshipsp. 236
Single Parent Datingp. 237
Summaryp. 239
What Have You Learned So Far?p. 240
p. 241
Couplep. 243
Be Friends Firstp. 243
Balance for Partner/Spousep. 243
Communication 101p. 244
Sender and Receiverp. 248
What Have You Learned?p. 251
After You Tell Me, I'll Respect You Morep. 252
Disconnect Between What You Hear and What You Feelp. 252
What Have You Learned?p. 255
Acknowledgment Does Not Mean Agreementp. 257
Non-verbal Cues to Communicate Effectively How-When-Where (some commonsense tips)p. 258
Positive Communicationp. 259
Intimacy with Sexual Attractionp. 263
Intentionp. 266
Forgivenessp. 267
Unforgivenessp. 269
Forgiveness Formulap. 270
Fighting Time-outs during Times of Conflictp. 273
Name That Tune-Observationp. 274
How Do You Begin?p. 275
Need and Wants-Missed Expectationsp. 275
Rebuilding Trust After the Affairp. 277
No Trust Before the Affairp. 277
Healthy Trust Before the Affairp. 278
Do Each of You Honestly Want to Build Trust Now? Think About Itp. 278
Steps Toward Rebuilding Trust: Perpetratorp. 279
Victimp. 284
What Can You Look Forward to Post-Affair?p. 287
Resistance to Changep. 289
How Do You Begin Talking to Each Other if You Haven't Talked to Each Other in Years?p. 290
The Victim/Empowerment Cycle of Behaviorp. 295
What Is the 72-Hour Rule?p. 305
Date Nightp. 311
Boundariesp. 313
No Outside Influencesp. 314
Intimacyp. 315
Sexual Intimacyp. 318
Healthy Communicationp. 319
A Non-Violent Relationshipp. 320
The Equality Wheelp. 322
Making Adjustments in Lifep. 323
The 72-Hour Rule Completedp. 332
The Basics-Just Like in the NFLp. 334
Leave Your Bag of Burdens in the Pastp. 335
What Have You Learned So Far?p. 336
Referencesp. 337
Image Creditsp. 343
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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