Free yourself from destructive behaviorMany of us know that self-destructive patterns are rooted in self-dislike, but few of us understand how to break them. In this wise and compassionate book, bestselling author and eminent psychiatrist Theodore Rubin shows us realisticways to break these negative mental and emotional attitudes and build a strong sense of well-being and self-understanding.Dr. Rubin looks of how self-hate begins, is sustained, and eventually leads to destructive and defeating behavior -- from alcoholism and drug dependency to perfectionism and fear of failure (or success). Offering practical and reassuring advice, he shows that the key to freeing yourself from these restricting emotions and habits is to find and examine the self-hate that generates them, and then to release your innate and powerful capacity for compassion.This warm, sympathetic, and ultimately practical guide to personal growth and fulfillment is timelier and more helpful than ever.

Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D., has served as president of the American Institute of Psychoanalysis and is the author of thirty books, including The Angry Book, Lisa and David, Jordi, The Winner's Notebook, and Lisa and David Today. His books have been translated all over the world. He lives and practices psychiatry in New York City.

Acknowledgements PART I: AN ALTERNATIVE TO DESPAIR PART II: SELF-HATE Self-Hate in Process How Self-Hate BegiHow Self-Hate Is SustainedConsciousness and Unconsciousness in Self-HateForms of Self-Hate: DirectSelf-DerisionSelf-Derisive FantasiesSelf-Vindictive CriticismSelf-DiminutionTerrorismDepressionSuicideAccident Proneness, Psychosomatic Illness and Dangerous SituationsAlcohol, Drugs, Tobacco and FoodUse of Painful Memories and Lists of Crimes and IndiscretionsUse of Other PeopleMurderGuiltAnticipation and Excessive Inappropriate WorryingCompetition and PerfectionismGamblingPostponing Decisions Cheating Oneself of PleasureHating Oneself for Hating OneselfForms of Self-Hate: IndirectIllusionsIllusions Involving SelfIllusions involving Self and Other PeopleIllusions Involving Self and the Human ConditionThe Grand IllusionImpossible Standards, Unrealistic Goals, Exorbitant ExpectationsBoredomPolarization and SuperlativesSelf-Hate as a Way of Life PART III: COMPASSION Compassion in ProcessOrigins of CompassionGenerating CompassionForms of Compassion: The Direct WayForms of Compassion: The Indirect WayDestroying illusionsLowering Standards, Limiting Goals and Reducing ExpectationsThe Move Against BoredomCompassionate Shades of GrayCompassionate PsychophilosophyCompassion as a Way of LifeI Am Because I Am!I Am II Need, I Want, I ChooseI Am Where I AmBe Here Now!The Process Is the Product I Always Do My Best Contracts, Consistency, Congruity No Participation and Performance The Right to Die and the Right to Live Helping to Prevent Self-Destruction Life Is Tough PART IV: ON HUMAN TERMS The Destructive Culture People, Animals and Ants Cowardice, Bravery, Courage and Fear Arrogance, Jealousy, Envy, Paranoia and Generosity, Honesty, Openness and Trust Prejudice Winning, Losing, Striving and Resignation Competition, Equality and Fair PlayBeing Cheated, Helplessness, Dependency and Rejection Recognition Opportunism Acquisitiveness Millionaires Betrayal Snobbism Sadism and Masochism Fools Logic, Rationale and Feelings Moods Anger Sadness Optimism and Pessimism Dreams and Fantasies Security and Happiness Ideal, Pure, Absolute and PerfectEndurance, Toughness, FragilityIndebtednessSubservience and PassivityAffability and CharmSelf-Control, Restlessness, Anxiety and InsomniaHumilityTypes and CategoriesMaturityConforming, Popularity, Mastery and IndividualityInvolvement and DetachmentReserve and GregariousnessPrivacyTemptation and CuriosityHealthy NarcissismUniqueness and EccentricityPoets and ArtistsAbilitiesPride and GreatnessProblems, Limitations and CompassionHealth, Sickness, Pain, Frustration and PatienceAgingSurrender and RespiteConvalescenceSocial Roles and RelationshipsFriendshipSexHomosexuality and Sexual PurityBattle of the SexesLove and MarriageParenthoodDependency on Children Status Quo and ChangeWorkKnowledge and StudyPleasure and SeriousnessDecisionsPain and Pain-KillersAlcohol and TobaccoPoliticians and LeadersJusticeNew Beginnings and ContinuumsThe Great RehearsalChance and CircumstancesAdaptation, Accommodation, Adjustment, Growth and EvolvementCrisis and DisasterJoyJoy: The Reason for LivingJoy: Prejudices Against JoyJoy: The Mood and Philosophy Index