Dear Hubby, About Your Retirement A Guide for Staying at Home

Well, the day we've both been waiting for is just about here. And believe me, I am looking forward to it as much as you are. No more alarm clocks! No more starched shirts! No more suit and tie! No more packed lunches, unless, of course, it is for a fun picnic together!

I've missed your company over these past many years. While we both had careers and were raising a family, we hardly had time for each other. When we got hitched -- if you can remember back that far -- we were the best of friends. Each day, I looked forward to you coming home in the evenings and spending the few precious hours together before sleep time, then it was up at the crack of dawn and another day started all over again. Now we can pick up again where we left off before those busy, busy days. Just one of the perks will be traveling off-season and missing the crowds, as well as getting a better bargain. Also we can have neighbors and friends in for dinner and cards; go to the movies midweek or to the matinee, which is less crowded. Dining out midweek will be less crowded too. Sounds good, doesn't it?

Retirement will be quite a change, but nothing to fear. People dream about retirement. They wonder what it will be like to not have a daily schedule. Some fear it. But it can be looked at as a new adventure, rather than something to dread. Think back to your first day of school or the first day of work. You had shaky knees, felt afraid, but soon adjusted -- didn't you? Well now, this time you won't have to do it alone. We have each other, and we can face this together.

Long days ahead might look daunting. It doesn't have to be scary.

We will soon get reacquainted in our new relationship, and start a new routine. You have spent so much time away from home and on the job that your coworkers probably know you better than I do. Being together only a few hours each day will change into 24/7 (that is, twenty-four hours, seven days a week, as our plumber says). So, it will be enjoyable for us both to see whom we are married to! Maybe we'll stay up later and sleep in a bit longer in the mornings. I hope so. But we should agree to rise and shine each day with new expectations of things to do. I say "we" because your retirement certainly affects me -- even though I might keep my part-time job -- and, of course, there's always the housework to do.

Expect to make an adjustment in your mental attitude. If you're dreading retirement, you may be miserable. But if you're like Bob, who took twenty minutes to adjust and has loved retirement ever since (for the past ten years), then you'll be fine.

I hope you don't have to go through an identity crisis wondering who you are. It may be hard when you are no longer the boss or the head cheese. Not that I'm going to bossyouaround...very much (at least I'll try not to). Or, if you're retiring from your old boss and you can set your own schedule without anyone telling you what to do.

At first we may want to spend all our time together, but remember the old adage, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Now don't you worry about keeping busy. There are plenty of things to occupy both body and mind. There's no doubt about it. Surely, there will be adjustments to make, but it's important to keep busy, to stay committed to daily living, not just occasionally. But if you have a mind set against this adjustment and say, "I don't want to do anything!" then we've got a problem. At first we may think every day is a holiday, but that will wear off and we'll have to get serious about what to doeveryday. We'll need some kind of a plan of action to make our days interesting and active. Retiring fromallactivity "blahs the brain and mushes the body," says one of our friends.

You don't need to have an identity crisis -- a "who am I?" type of thing -- just because you don't have to drive somewhere to work anymore. You may worry that there may be long days looming ahead. But fear not. It doesn't have to be. Take it easy. Have fun. Enjoy!

First of all, remember that you are not retiring from life. Just from a job. But you must find things to fill up your day. As a friend of yours said, "There's nothing wrong with retirement, as long as you don't stop working!" Another friend gave these words of wisdom: "Retirement does not mean stop or quit living, but just start a new lifestyle!" I'm sure you will agree once you've rested enough, played plenty, and caught up with all the things you've always wanted to do.

Retirement is not necessarily related to age. Recently someone in our circle said, "Yesterday is gone; forget it. Tomorrow never comes, because when it does, it's today." We know a few forty-year-olds who have made their fortune, or enough, to retire early. Then there's Rory, who has never worked -- very much. He just gets by on money earned from being a part-time fence mender and house painter -- but he couldn't be happier.

Age has nothing to do with retirement. Remember when we went to your fiftieth class reunion? Everyone was approximately the same age, but you felt years younger than anyone there -- except for Coach Carlson, and his darling little petite wife, who put everyone to shame. He was eighty-five years young. And I do mean it. He and his wife looked younger than many of the students -- or, I should say, attendees of the reunion. My point being, young or old is a state of mind. Being retired does not mean you're over the hill or can't do things that you like. Remember that. It's important.

Do you remember when prizes were given out for the ones married the longest and the ones with the most children? Remember the couple that hobbled up to get their prize for being married fifty-two years (they were married in high school)? She looked very old and drab and he too looked all worn out. Of course, nobody judged them until the next prize winner got up, the same age, but looking trim, happy and smiling, a very gracious woman who had had nine children -- five boys and four girls. The drab woman, sitting in front of us, gave this classic remark to her husband: "Well, some people just preserve better than others!" So if we have a choice, let's be well preserved.

Take Mac, for instance, who in his eighties goes around the world -- Russia, South America, Africa -- helping to train farmers to market and distribute their fruits. He makes long trips up and down the Amazon River in Brazil. This, of course, is not for everyone, but Mac has the resources, know-how, and desire to help others. Charitable giving keeps him young and active.

At a recent U.S. Open tennis match, some of the "old-timers" were playing in the senior division, for those fifty-five and over. After interviewing some of the players in their late sixties, the young commentator said, "Wow! I hope I'm still playing tennis when I'm sixty-five!" Well, kiddo, every day you will find eighty-five-year-olds still hitting and placing the tennis ball so well that it doesn't matter a twit that they "don't have wheels" (can't run). Their putaway shots twist, turn, drop, lob, and hit the line for winners.Life does not stop when you retire from your job.Your job is/was just a means to an end. When you are retired you will have time to enjoy life -- enjoy being at home. And you will probably not relax as much as you think. Yes, the first year or two you will, but then boredom might set in. What will you do next?

There are tons of useful and fun things you can still do and literally mountains to climb. You have a lifetime ahead of you. Today's life expectancy has increased fifty percent from what it was a half century ago. Think of it! Remember the number of octogenarians and centenarians we know. Take Helen, for instance, who is in her mid-nineties and walks ten blocks each morning to get her newspaper, and another half mile in the afternoon for her lunch. Remember what she said when asked why she didn't have her paper delivered? "How would I get my exercise then? If you just keep moving, you won't die!" We know a half dozen of these people with this vital attitude. No longer are so-called senior citizens feeble. You don't have to, nor will you want to, just sit around and wait for the end. So you can get that out of your mind right now. It's a new beginning, Sweetheart! We should celebrate! We're starting over!

Copyright © 2002 by Nancy Robison

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Excerpted from Dear Hubby... About Your Retirement: A Guide for Staying at Home by Nancy Robison
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